Air date: November 9, 1999
Summary/Review by Josh Bermont

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Ally and Renee are studying the pectorals and buttocks of a nude male model, meticulously shaping the mounds of clay on the table in front of them in sculpting class. Ally comments on how relaxing it is to do something artistic at the end of the day - - Renee agrees, then says to the naked man, "Can you turn around a bit? I can't see your meat whistle." The teacher excuses the model, and another walks in. As he takes his place and lets his robe fall to the floor, the two women stare at his endowment, their eyes widening to the size of dinner plates..."I might need a touch more clay," Renee observes.

The next day, Ally finds John in her office. He asks her out on a date nervously, and she accepts, suggesting that they meet Friday. He tells her that Friday is "fight night," asking if Saturday would be okay; skeptical, Ally asks him if he really enjoys boxing, and he earnestly tells her that, "stripped down, man is a warrior." She looks at him and smiles.

Meanwhile, Billy confronts Georgia who is off to the sculpting class. He is worried that the only reason she is going to take this class is because the model has a large penis - - he is upset about it, and refuses to let her go. As they fight, Ally hears something strange...the primal beat of Blue Swede's 70's hit song "Hooked on a Feeling." She turns, and there it is, gyrating to the tune right in the middle of the floor.

The Dancing Baby.

Billy's voice brings her out of her hypnotic trance, asking her if she's okay. She says she is fine, and the women go to their class. But as she gingerly applies clay to her piece, Ally hears it again, right behind her...and that night, the Dancing Baby haunts her dreams.

In the morning, Ally and Renee go to a coffee shop and see the male model - - he recognizes them and engages Ally in conversation, asking her out. She says yes, and at the office, the women gleefully crowd around her to talk about his mammoth measurements. Billy overhears them and asks if size really does matter. They all immediately say that it doesn't, but their poker faces aren't convincing and Billy is insecure. In the unisex, he tries to get comfort from Richard, asking him if he ever wonders whether or not he ever has doubts about whether or not he's really good in bed. "No. I know I'm good," he replies, "because I'm always satisfied."

Billy sees Georgia in the unisex later and, anxiety-ridden, asks her if he satisfies her in bed. She reassures him gently that he makes her very happy sexually. Meanwhile, Ally is meeting the male model for drinks at the bar - - he is a professional snowboarder, free-spirited, impetuous, single, twenty-seven years old and without a worry in the world. In short, he couldn't have less in common with the perpetually-stressed and uptight Ally McBeal. He's leaving the country that Sunday, opening Ally's mind to the possibility of a short, passionate fling to satisfy her urges. "Two ships that collide in the night!" Renee crows.

That night, we see Billy and Georgia in bed together. All the recent thoughts of sexual inadequacy have...affected him psychologically, making him unable to perform. As he apologizes, he sees that Georgia is about to cry and tries to console her. She tells him that it's because she is happy, because the feeling that Billy is insecure with her - - rather than the other way around - - makes her feel good. They hold each other tenderly.

The next day, Ally talks with John in the elevator and tells him about her strange daydreams. He nods, understanding, and advises her to just confront her visions. "I used to have a hallucination where my dead aunt kept wanting to have tea with me," he confides. "It went on for two years before I finally stopped her." When Ally asks how, he simply says, "I had tea with her."

Fight night commences that night - - Billy, Richard, John, Elaine and Georgia watch the television at the bar, placing bets on which round it will end in as Ally's date with the model ends and she invites him up to her apartment. As the lawyers puff on their cigars and scream at the boxers on television, Ally pins the model to the floor and they make love wildly, passionately. The evening ends with Ally and the model lying on the floor, basking in the afterglow...and John enjoying his own triumph, shuffling through the thick wad of bills he's won on the fight.

Ally showers, knowing that this was the first time she made love and didn't want to see the man lying next to her in the morning...and knowing that he knew it and felt the same way, which is why she woke up alone. She dries her hair and starts to hear the "ooga-chakka" of the Dancing Baby's rhythm. She steps out of the bathroom defiantly, challenging the infant to show itself and saying she isn't afraid. Sure enough, the translucent toddler appears and they dance together.


* Again, not too much to say on this one. This was actually the first episode where I remembered actually seeing the original airing in the first season.

* There were some parts of this show that really made me nostalgic, to a certain degree. First, the Dancing Baby...the return of an old friend! While it was good that he left when he did - - overexposure was a very real danger, and it was getting a little old - - it was kinda groovy to see him again. Seeing Billy and Georgia happy together really warmed my heart and made me long for the time when everything wasn't always tense and difficult between them. Because there were those fantastic moments, like when the two of them were in bed together, that made us realize that no matter what his issues may be with Ally (and let's face it, they're understandable to some degree and he's got a bit to answer for), Billy and Georgia were a married couple who were in love and suited each other perfectly. And even with certain recent developments in Billy's character (and I'll keep my opinion to myself on those here, 'cause let's face it, that's the hour-long show and out of my official jurisdiction), I still believe that when all is said and done, they really do belong together.

* John's voice when he was yelling at the boxing match just broke me up! It sounded like a chipmunk on helium! That Peter MacNichol is such a wonderful actor, and he has the magic touch that consistently makes the Biscuit shine. His talent should get so much more credit. But from where I'm sitting, the award for favorite character on the show must go to...

* ...Richard Fish. Yes, it's taken two years of careful deliberation, but I've found that Richard is the character that I love the most. When he comes onto the screen, you immediately know you're about to be surprised and entertained, and he absolutely never disappoints. He stays perfectly in character with everything that he does, and yet trying to predict his next move - - what he'll say, how he'll react to a situation - - is an exercise in futility. Never has chauvinism been so hilarious, and not only that, but we catch ourselves actually nodding our heads at most of the off-the-wall points he makes! This character is a masterpiece, and Greg Germann is officially "The Man" in my book for portraying him in a way absolutely no one else could.

* Hmm. I wonder if any of the "Ally McBeal" people read this...? :-)

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