Quotes from Two's a Crowd

Ally: I'm not sure why, but I wanted some of what he had inside him. And then it just happened. I accepted my very first date with an... old person.

Ally: They say that after breaking up with somebody, a woman will date anybody. They also say that men can pick up on that. I'm in my thirties, it's no big deal really going out with a guy in his fifties. What's so disconcerting was getting that little intuitive pang inside that says it could be something serious, that inner voice that screams out... buy a new dress.

Wanda: He said getting oral sex from me was liking walking on a high-wire. In either case, you don't want to be looking down.

Richard: He's dating a woman, she's got so many nice qualities... one of them is a penis.

Ally: Now this is the thing about dating somebody older. Young beautiful things get dangled in front of you all day.

Ally: I've been so wanting to meet a guy where everything's not about money... and who's got plenty of it.

Ally: The truth is, the conversation struggled for awhile. We both liked movies, but different ones. We both liked sports, but different ones. We both were afraid of George Bush, but different ones.

Nelle: Who's that old thing with Ally?

Ling: I like older men. It's not until their peter peters that you can actually have a conversation. He's not fat, is he?

Ling: I take a little adhesive. I tape hundred-dollar bills to my privates, wear them all day long. Nighttime, I get into bed, I'm beautiful, naked, smell like money. It drives him wild.

Ally: I work at Cage & Fish, so you can call me there.
Jonathan: A lawyer, great.
Ally: What, you have something against lawyers?
Jonathan: Uh, everything. I am one.
Ally: Ah, well, maybe we can spend dinner overcoming negative first impressions.

Ally: I have this really weird habit. Whenever I think about sex, I use my napkin a lot. Maybe because it's messy.

Cindy: Obviously YOU know.
Ally: Uh, yes, but that's because everybody runs to me with their problems because I have a conscience.

Nelle: Oh, we will go forward with this lawsuit, Ms. Grouper.
Ms. Grouper: Ooh, more threats from the Pokemon.

Ally: My roommate. She lives to torture me.

Richard: You know, these things happen, Mark.
Mark: What do you mean, these things happen? My girlfriend has a penis! These things don't happen.

Richard to Mark: It's not easy finding a person to love in this world, and whoever you end up with, she won't be perfect. Cindy is beautiful and when people see you with her they're more impressed with you. But what I'm trying to say is don't dump her, use her as bait to attract other beautiful women, ones without... meat whistles.

Elaine to Ally: There's probably three decent guys in this stupid town, and you've got two of them and Mark's got the other.
Mark: That's real funny, Elaine.

Ally: She's a guard secretary.
Jonathan: She's crazy.

Mark: Sorry I ran off. I always do that when a girl seems too happy to see me.

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