Skip summary and go straight to Dana's "Bits and Pieces"
Ally is in an office talking to someone about her hallucinations of Al Green. The camera shot changes and we see the person she is discussing this with is being played by Betty White ("Golden Girls"), who, if you saw the previews, you know is playing the latest therapist to sit in for Dr. Tracy Clark. Ally tells her about seeing Al in court (as the judge, singing to her) then later in her bedroom (singing to her and dancing with her). She starts to sing one of his songs then notices he is there in the room with her. She stops singing then tells Dr. Flott that she thinks she has fallen in love with Al. The doctor wants to put Ally on Prozac. Ally is completely against it but the therapist says it's not a big deal and announces that she is on it. Still, Ally thinks it is a mind-altering drug. "You're not well," Dr. Flott says, "I've been a therapist since before you were born, so you're going to have to trust me when I tell you that you won't find happiness through love, or by turning to God. It comes in a pill. There can even be joy in the taking. Mine comes in suppository form. Gives me a little wriggle." She giggles and wriggles.
In the morning meeting, Richard says they are representing Kirby Gallin, a teenage boy who kissed a girl at his school against her will. He wants Billy to take it on, but Billy says he already has a meeting this morning. Richard gives it to John and tells Nelle to second chair. After the meeting breaks up, Georgia asks Billy about this meeting he has. "It's just a meeting," he says, "Does everybody have to know my schedule?" Georgia asks, "How about your wife?" He tells her that it is with a potential new client. They leave and we notice Ally is still sitting in the conference room, obviously distracted. She picks up a donut box off the table and sees it says "Al's Donuts" with a picture of Al Green's face. That sends her running from the conference room in search of John.
She finds him in the outer office and asks if he's seen Tracy's sub. He has and he thinks she is good. Ally motions for him to move over to a large plant (each of them on either side). She parts the branches so she can see him. "She wants to put me on an anti-depressant," Ally says. John expresses himself with an "oh." "That's all you can say?" says Ally. John says, "It's about time?" Ally doesn't appreciate that. John tells her that she hasn't been happy since he's known her. "What are you talking about?" she says, "I'm the most happy person I know I'm a very happy person." Richard joins John on his side of the plant and Ally asks him, "Do you know anybody happier than me?" Richard says he did, but that person jumped off a bridge. She wants to know if he would consider taking a mood-altering drug. "Lasting happiness only comes with money," Richard says. "I take creatine that's for my pecs," says John, "well, once I get them. If it doesn't interfere with my Propecia." John says the Propecia stimulates his follicles. Ally has gotten tired of this conversation and she walks away, only to hear someone calling her with "psst." She looks towards the sound and finds Al Green as a screen saver on a computer. She quickly walks away.
Several men are meeting in an unknown location and one is talking about how he has recognized the problem he is having and he is ready to do all he can to solve it. He sits and we see that the man leading the group is Myron Stone, an attorney who has been in several other episodes. He asks if there are any other new people there today as the camera pans across several men, stopping when it reaches Billy. He stands and comes to the front. He says that "this" has affected him as well. He mentions the fight he had with Renee last week and he says he's also starting to have issues with his wife. Stone stops him and says that they need him to introduce himself and then, he needs to say it. Billy says, "Hello. My name is Billy and I'm a male chauvinist pig." The men in the room welcome him.
In the conference room at Cage/Fish & Associates, John and Nelle meet with Mr. and Mrs. Gallin and their son, Kirby. (Kirby is sitting in his chair but has turned it to face towards the wall.) Mr. Gallin feels that the entire political correctness thing has reached its limits. Nelle asks if the kiss Kirby gave the girl was consensual. Mr. Gallin turns Kirby's chair around for him to answer the question. We see that he is a shy boy with sort of a Bill Gates/John Cage look about him. "Apparently not," Kirby says. John asks him to tell them what happened. Kirby says they looked at each other like they kind of liked each other, then it happened. Nelle asks if they had ever met. Kirby says no. Mrs. Gallin says that Kirby "devours" romance novels. She gives one to Nelle and tells her she has highlighted the section Kirby had been reading the night before the incident. The book is titled "Love's Dare." It is one of those Harlequin Romance-type of books. Nelle reads from it. "No words were exchanged. With one look, their hearts spoke. Their thighs quivered. He reached out and took her into his strong arms and when their lips met, their names were all that remained foreign." John asks Kirby what happened after he kissed the girl. He says she slapped him then she told the principal. Mr. Gallin can't believe that Kirby is being kicked out of school for this. Nelle asks to let them try to talk to the principal.
Ally goes back to see Dr. Flott. She tells her that she thinks she can talk through all this without drugs. She believes she is making progress. She tells the doctor about her fling with the car wash guy and her kiss with Ling. "And even though both of these things seem incredibly daring, they're actually safe," Ally says. "Because these are people I couldn't fall in love with. They were like built-in guardrails. No danger of sorrow. With one, I wanted his penis, the other, her tongue, and emotionally, I stayed protected. It was like I was learning to physically love with no threat of sorrow. Does that make any sense?" Dr. Flott wants to give her "just a tad of Zoloft." Ally says no. "Is there anything I can say to help you believe you're not vulgar?" the doctor says. "Let's have some Thorazine, together." Ally announces she's leaving. Dr. Flott says, "We could mix it with a little Lithium," as she dispenses pills out of a hip-pill dispenser (much like a coin dispenser). "Look how tiny these little tablets are." Ally leaves the office. Dr. Flott sighs and says to herself, "Try and help these little tramps."
Ally goes to Renee's office where she is encouraged to take the drugs. She again sees Al there, this time sitting in a chair opposite her. He disappears into a cloud of magical dust when Renee sits in the chair and Ally sort of jumps. Ally says she doesn't want to control her hallucinations of Al because she likes them. She thinks they are magical and she feels nourished by them, spiritually and emotionally. Renee tells Ally that she really needs to address this problem.
Billy is explaining to the group of men why he is there. He says he has never been opposed to the idea of women working and he'd probably be thrilled to have a woman president. Stone reminds him he isn't there because he respects women, he is there because he doesn't. Billy says that when it comes to his own wife, he doesn't want her dressing in sexy clothes, he doesn't want her to become a partner at work and he really doesn't want her working at all. He wants her at home, waiting for him to come home. He wants her day to just be beginning when he gets home. "I need to feel more," Billy starts, then pauses, but Stone encourages him to say what he's thinking out loud and he finishes with "worshipped." They all agree.
John and Nelle are speaking with the school principal in the hallway at the school. Several students are standing around talking and watching. The principal says he can't do anything and recommends they try and get the girl and her parents to withdraw the complaint. He walks away and several girls approach Nelle and John. "Excuse me," one of them says, "You are so cool." John says "thank you." The girl goes on. "Where do you get those amazing clothes?" she asks. Nelle, knowing all along they were talking to her, answers that she has a friend who designs them. The girl then tells John, "You might want to fix your pant let." He looks down to find it clinging to his sock.
Georgia enters the unisex and finds Ally staring at herself in the mirror. She tells Georgia that she's about to make a big decision and she always looks in the mirror before making big life decisions. Ally says that taking Prozac just seems wrong to her even though "people are sprinkling it on their Jell-O." She hears Al start to sing and she turns around and yells for him to stop. The singing stops. Georgia asks if she is okay and Ally says she is completely fine, that she's drug-free, and she just wants to look in the mirror. Georgia leaves and Ally again hears the music. She angrily turns the mirror around, only to find Al Green staring back at her. She runs from the unisex, but the music continues. In the main office, she finds a man working on the breaker box dressed in an electrician's uniform that says "Al's Electric" on the back. When he turns, she sees it is Al and he's singing to her. He turns the lights off and shines a spotlight flashlight towards the next voice we hear. It's Renee and she's dressed in a long silver dress with a feather boa and gloves. Next, we see Elaine singing and she's dressed the same. The elevator doors open and Billy, Richard and John stroll out dressed in white tuxes with tails. They continue the song and dance. The Ikettes appear from inside the elevator, then the camera cuts to all five girls (Renee, Elaine, Nelle, Ling and Georgia), dressed alike, singing and dancing. Ally starts moving along with the music. Al shines the light towards the library and we see Gladys Knight singing with an entire choir. Ally starts singing along with everyone and it isn't long before she realizes she is singing out loud and everyone in the office is staring at her. She is a bit flabbergasted and says "whoops," then "never mind."
John and Nelle meet with all four parents, Kirby and Kim in the conference room. Nelle thinks all they have here is a misunderstanding but Kim's parents say Kirby attacked their daughter. Kim says that it wasn't even like a kiss -- that she thought he was trying to bite her. He says he didn't bite her and she says he was chewing and sucking on her. John jumps in and says that no matter what it was, he wonders what is served by making so much of an issue out of it. Kim says that he did it in front of everybody in the cafeteria and people thought that she liked him or that they were going out. "He made me a laughing stock," she says. "You know how hard it is to be popular in school." Nelle asks Kim if that's what this is all about -- if getting Kirby suspended tells the whole school that the kiss was unwanted. She asks them all to just put their hurt aside. Kirby gets up and leaves the room.
Ally's visiting Dr. Flott again. She tells her that in her latest fantasy, Al was only in it in the beginning and then it switched to her friends. She says she thinks it was a transition fantasy and that she was realizing she has a song in her life with all of her friends. Dr. Flott is writing on a pad while Ally tells her what happened. She hands her a prescription and tells her that "mental health will soon be yours. And then the only problem you'll have left is whether or not your friends will recognize you."
Nelle comes to John's office to tell him that she's going to meet with Kim, one-on-one, and she thinks she can persuade her. John wants to know what she will say to Kim. Nelle says she will tell her that Kirby was wrong to have kissed her but that she should have some compassion. "Yes, compassion. That would be something new," John says. "Excuse me," Nelle says, throwing the book she's been holding onto John's desk. This causes a toy monkey with cymbals which was sitting on John's desk to start clanking. He stops the monkey and asks her if they are ever going to talk about his spanking her. Nelle says there's nothing to talk about that it bordered on being criminal. He tries to explain that he heard her talking to Ling about her fantasy. She says that didn't give him the right to do it. The monkey starts up again. John takes the batteries out of it. Nelle says John didn't have any right to turn her fantasy life into reality. She gets up to leave. "So, maybe I was mistaken," John says. "Yes, you were," says Nelle. "And is this the compassion you plan to preach to Kimberly?" John adds. Nelle sort of huffs off, shutting the door behind her, and causing the monkey to make one final screech.
Billy is back at the group meeting and this time Richard has come with him. Of course, Richard can't just sit quietly and watch the meeting he has to make his feelings known. Billy attempts to stop him, but Richard succeeds in standing up before the group. He introduces himself. "You probably object to the name Richard" he says, "because shortened, it would be Dick. Do you remember that word? Do any of you remember what it's like to have one? Where does it say women aren't sexual objects? Of course they are. And here's a flash: they like it. That's why they're out there getting their breasts done, their tummy's tucked, their faces lifted, so we'll keep looking at them sexually. And, of course, men are supposed to be the providers. Women are the one's who get pregnant. They can't work all fat and distended. They stay home with the kids while men bring home money. It's not just God's way; it's the way women want it. How many women do you know who say 'Honey, after I give birth I want you to quit your job and stay home with the kids so I can keep going to the office'? Are you nuts? What's with all this 'let's all be the same'? We're not the same; it's why God made different sexes. So we'd be different. And it's natural for men to enjoy those differences. You're not going to change that with meetings. Ultimately, a man will be ruled by his wants, just like women will be ruled by theirs. And what we want is sex, what they want is money. If God made the penis revocable, he'd be asking for yours back right now, you whipped, whipped things. The problem is you've already given it away. What you all need to do is go home today and say, 'Honey, give me back my penis.' Try it once with me." They all say together, "Honey, give me back my penis." They all start to chant "I want my penis" over and over again.
Ally and Renee are at the drugstore getting Ally's prescription filled. Ally still isn't sure about this in fact, she feels like she is going to be killing Al Green. There is a group of people waiting for their prescriptions, and the pharmacist says into a microphone, "Who's waiting for the Prozac?" Ally imagines herself becoming very small, then in a high voice says, "That would be me."
Nelle meets with Kim alone in her office. She tells her that men somehow have gotten the idea that women want to be taken that it's romantic for them to impose themselves. She reminds Kim that Kirby was only trying for a kiss. "If it's about standing up for yourself, well, you've done that," Nelle says. "If it's about showing the world that you're not interested in him, it's a little cruel." "Can you imagine it from his side?" says John, who is standing in the doorway. He comes in and tells Kim that when he was a junior, he went on his first date. We see a teenage John Cage walking a young girl home from their date. They stop in front of the stairs leading to her house and as he leans in to kiss her, he realizes his sweater is stuck to the banister. She giggles and John's nose whistles. He tries again but she can't stop giggling and just runs into her house. John says his heart went right through his feet and he knew she was going to tell all of her friends. "I'm not defending what Kirby did, but the embarrassment he caused you, I suspect it will be gone by next week," John says. "His, it could last a lifetime."
Richard and Billy return to the office. Richard thinks the group is a cult, but asks if he can go to the next meeting. They see Georgia and Richard tells her, "I can't imagine he's been any good in bed lately." He leaves and Georgia follows Billy into his office. She wants to know what is going on. He tells her he's been attending these seminars which are supposed to increase male sensitivity towards woman. Instead of leaving it at that, he goes on to tell her about what Renee told him; that he ran from Ally because he knew he would never be able to subordinate her. Billy says he considers Georgia to be a possession of his and that if they have children, he expects her to quit her job. She asks if he has had any other revelations. He says he doesn't think she should be thinking about a partnership with the firm, he expects her to fulfill his sexual needs, and he adds that if she were to put on a hundred pounds, he would have a big problem with that. Georgia is very surprised to see this side of Billy but he says he should not have to apologize for it.
Ally is in her office, looking at the Prozac bottle and trying to prepare herself for taking her first one. Elaine comes in and tells her to come down to the bar with the rest of the group. Ally says she will be there in a minute. When she is completely alone, she jumps up, runs to the unisex and pours the pills down the toilet. As she flushes it, she imagines that she is going down with the pills. She quickly snaps out of it and shuts the stall.
Nelle is back at the school talking to the principal. He tells her that if it's okay with the girl and her parents, then he will expunge the incident from the record. She asks if he will lift the suspension and he says he already has. He nods towards a table where Kirby sits alone. (Again, there are several students in the hallway, and Kirby and a few other people, one being a typical jock, are sitting behind card tables with posters hung on them announcing they are running for class secretary) Nelle approaches Kirby. He tells her thank you and she nods for him to get up and come over to her. She asks if he's doing okay. "How can I be okay?" he says. "Everybody says I kiss like a snapping turtle." Nelle says the problem is those romance novels describe kisses as hungry. "The best kiss is very gentle and tender," she says, adding, "Mind if I showed you?" Kirby can't believe that she wants to kiss him, and right there in front of everyone at that. Nelle reminds him he is underage and if she did it in a private place she'd risk being arrested. "Let me just kiss you goodbye, then," she says, then leans down and gives him a very nice, tender kiss. She also opens her eyes for a moment to make sure everyone is watching. They are. When the kiss is over, she asks him how he feels. "Like I'm going to faint," he says. "You'll get your legs back in a second," Nelle says. "In the meantime, I want you to remember two things. First, every guy in this school is now envious of you. And second; that was wonderful. You really can kiss." She gives him a big smile then leaves him to bask in his glory.
In the unisex, Billy comes out of a stall and finds Georgia standing in front of a mirror. "Collecting a few thoughts, or just dropping them off," she says. She has decided it is time for her to share her thoughts on the subject. "You ran from Ally because you didn't feel you could subordinate her," she says. "Me, you marry." Billy says he's not proud of all this, adding that he has always considered himself pro-women. "When in fact, you're Cro-Magnon," Georgia says. Billy says he wants a wife with a nice body who can raise kids. "Does it mean I want a bimbo?" he says, "No, but I don't want a big, fat, raging feminist either." She calls him a pig, and Billy says that's why he went to the meeting. "This is what I get for talking to you," Billy says. "No, this is what you get for marrying somebody who can talk back," Georgia says. Billy comes back with, "Oh, go do your hair, Georgia." She's had enough. She backhands him hard enough to make him turn his back to her, which gives her a chance to kick him in the back, knocking him against a stall door. He slides to the ground. "Feminine enough?" she asks before walking away. Elaine comes out of a stall (earlier, Billy had checked to make sure no one else was there and he didn't find her big surprise). She runs over to see if he's okay. Even though he says he is, she tells him to lie back, then she lays her body on top of his. "You're not getting enough air," she says, then she covers his mouth with hers and sticks her tongue down his throat.
Dr. Flott can't believe that Ally flushed the Prozac. "I ought to put you on Xanax just for that," she says. "Most patients would kill for that prescription," the doctor says. Ally reminds her she tried to give it to her in suppository form. "So you can stick it up your ass," Dr. Flott says. "Go pick another theme song, you pissy little thing. I'm through with you."
That night, Ally and John are in the office drinking beers. She tells him that she doesn't need chemicals and that she is starting to feel stronger and less afraid of being alone and of not fitting in. They toast. Nelle comes up behind them and calls John's name to get his attention. He turns and tells her "There's a rumor at Kirby's school that he kissed another girl today." Nelle asks if he's angry. Ally jumps in with, "Why? Do you want a spanking?" Nelle looks at John with shock that she told Ally, and Ally tries to fix it by saying, "It's a very bad joke." Nelle tells John that she was only trying to litigate somebody's lifetime embarrassment. John says he knows that. She asks him to come to the bar with her. John asks Ally to join them but she says that she's actually looking forward to walking home solo.
As she tries to leave the office, Elaine comes in and tells her that if she would like to know, Billy and Georgia are fighting. Ally says she doesn't really care to know. Elaine tells her she stuck her tongue down Billy's esophagus. "I didn't really need to know that, either," Ally says. Elaine says Billy is probably down at the bar, alone. "Well, then why don't you go tongue him some more?" she adds. "You took the drug, didn't you?" Elaine asks. "No. I didn't." says Ally.
Ally starts her walk home and stops at a small bookstore on the way. She picks up a book from a shelf on the sidewalk outside the store. Someone takes the book from her, closes it and replaces it on the shelf. It's Al Green. He takes her hand and they dance together down the sidewalk. They stop and she reaches for him, but he only smiles, then disappears in a shower of sparkles. Ally watches the sparkles as they float to the sky and around the street sign, which says Green Street. She smiles and blows a kiss towards the sky.