Just Looking
Air date: November 16, 1998
Summary/Review by Dana Hagerty

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Elaine is back to inventing again. This time, it looks like a garage door opener, and Ally is telling Elaine that she isn't sure how Cage will react to it. "You know how particular he is about his toilet seat," she says. "It's also the scene of a painful memory," Elaine says, "and the bathroom more than anything is a place to wipe the past away." Ally gets a strange look on her face, and says that she is getting a bad feeling. Elaine feels it, too, as does Georgia, who Ally and Elaine join at the elevator. The doors open, and Ling steps into the office. She says she needs to see Nelle and walks away as all three women say "She's baaaaaack."

Nelle tells Ling that she should be calm, but Ling says can't, she's overwrought. "Overwrought and calm is a bad combination," she says, then, sort of under her breath, she adds, "I don't like that outfit." Richard walks in and asks what's going on. Apparently, a group has filed a nuisance claim in an effort to shut down Ling's mud wrestling club. We aren't the only one's who haven't heard about this mud wrestling club before. Richard is surprised that Ling owns such a thing, but he's a bit impressed as well.

The group bringing the suit is MOPE (Mothers Opposed to Pornographic Entertainment), and it is claiming that the club destroys the quiet enjoyment of the community. During a meeting in the conference room with the group, we learn that Ling bought the club as a tax write-off but it ended up making a profit. Richard wants Nelle, Georgia and Ally to be the 'dream team' on this case, but they all say no. "I hate to pull rank," Richard says, "but this is the kind of case where having female litigants is a plus. We owe it to Ling to extend our best efforts - not to mention this is a client with whom I'm still trying to reach sexual fruition." Nelle says she needs someone to check the club out so that she isn't hit with any surprises, and she suggests Billy. Georgia says no. Richard and John say they will go. John says he's a good spy and that he briefly considered a career in the CIA.

In the unisex, Elaine shows John her new invention. "An automatic seat warmer," she says. "You know how awful it is to sit on an ice cold toilet, especially in the morning." The remote allows users to set it for different temperatures, all the way up to simmer. "I like a warm seat," Elaine says. The remote has Cage's automatic flusher as well as a feature that raises and lowers the toilet seat. "This feature is for married couples," Elaine says, "because he always leaves the seat up.

The dream team and Ling are walking to the courtroom when a man calls out Georgia's name. They are apparently friends who haven't seen each other in a while. Ling interrupts and tells the man that they are in litigation and "could you please not engage her." Nelle pulls her away. "You're tugging me," Ling says, "don't tug me." Georgia tells the man that they have the dumbest case, but he says his is better. He asks if she's ever heard of a group called MOPE.

Nelle is arguing to the judge that there are no zoning laws that say Ling can't operate the club where she has it. The opposing counsel, (Georgia's friend), says they aren't there on zoning -- they are there on nuisance. He says that the club is the equivalent of a strip joint and Ling jumps up very distressed by that statement. "Your honor, it is not a strip joint, that slandered me," she says. "I'd like to amend my answer to include defamation naming him and all of MOPE…" Ally reaches up and grabs Ling's arm, pulling her back to her chair before she can finish her sentence. The judge wants to hear from one of the complaining parties, and the attorney points to Mrs. Stokes, who lives in the neighborhood. She stands and begins telling the judge about how the mud wrestling club is just a filthy sex club. The judge tells Mrs. Stokes he will bring her to the stand after lunch.

When they leave the courtroom, Ling is upset because Nelle "Linged" her. "With a hard 'L', I heard it," Georgia says. Ling turns and growls at her. Georgia says that she and Ally will wait for the next elevator. As soon as Nelle and Ling get into an elevator and the doors close, Ally demands to know what's up with that guy. Georgia says that Ray is an old classmate of hers and that she had a big crush on him before she met Billy. They went out on one date but had nothing in common. Georgia thinks that Ally should go out with him. "If he wasn't your type, how could he be mine," Ally asks. "You like all the men I like." Nonetheless, Ally admits that she does want to meet him.

In the unisex, John is going over his game plan for that night. He thinks that he and Richard should make separate entrances at the club. Richard doesn't really see the point, but Cage says that "field reconnaissance isn't to be trivialized."

Mrs. Stokes takes the stand and tries to explain why MOPE is opposed to the club. She says that she doesn't believe mud wrestling clubs should be in residential areas. Nelle asks her if she thinks it's okay to have movie theaters in the community - theaters that show 'R' rated movies. Mrs. Stokes says she isn't going to let Nelle trick her, then asks the judge if she can make a speech. "Mud wrestling degrades the participants. It creates a negative image of women," she says. "Having a place like that in the community demeans that community." Nelle asks her why women performing sex scenes in movies are not degraded. Mrs. Stokes says it's because they are paid tons of money.

Outside in the hallway, Ray comes up to talk to Georgia and she introduces him to Ally. She again can't seem to figure out her last name. "Ally McBeat, Meat, Meal, Beal, McBeal," she says. "It takes me a while but I usually get it right." He tells her that Georgia mentioned Ally might want to get a drink sometime. Ally imagines her head shrinking until it's almost covered by her turtleneck. Ling comes up and asks what is going on here as Georgia and Nelle pull her away. "Don't tug me," she says. Ally says okay to drinks, as long as they don't talk about the case. Georgia comes around the corner and watches Ally and Ray talk. She smiles, and looks as if she is very happy to see them hitting it off.

Ally is at home going through her drawers. Renee wants to know why she has come home before her date, and Ally says she needs her lucky underwear. "It may sound stupid to somebody who gets lucky when they aren't wearing any, but I have two little charms in life," Ally says. They are an old shoe and the pair of lucky underwear and Ally says she isn't going on a date with an old shoe. Renee asks about Ray and Ally says she thinks she likes him because he talks fast and reminds her of Jack Webb from "Dragnet."

Back at the office, Nelle tells Richard that he and Cage need to go to the club tonight. He wonders why Ling can't just tell her what goes on there but Nelle says that Ling lies. She says she just wants them to confirm that there is no nudity and no sexual touching at the club. John comes into Richard's office wearing all grays in an effort to blend. Richard pretends to ignore him so that he will believe that it is working. "I didn't even know you were here," he says. When Richard walks away, John says to Nelle, "He paid me no heed." Nelle says it's the gray. She thanks him for doing this for her, kisses him on the cheek, and, playing along with the game, tells him to "Be careful."

Ally and Georgia walk into the unisex discussing what Ally should do on her "date" with Ray. Georgia says she should meet him at the bar because in a group situation there is less pressure. Ally enters the stall, pulls up her skirt, and just as she's about to sit, the toilet seat goes up, causing Ally to fall all the way in. She screams for someone to help her. The door is locked so no one can get in. John comes in with his remote and, realizing what has happened, he hits the remote again, sending the toilet seat back down and hitting Ally in the back. He hits the remote yet again so that the seat goes back up. Elaine tells Ally to open the latch with her foot, which she does. Upon finding Ally wedged in the bowl, Elaine wishes she had her camera.

Elaine comes out into the office, stands on the stairs and gets everyone's attention. She tells them that the unisex is temporarily out of commission, that Ally is wedged in a toilet bowl, and they would appreciate everyone's sensitivity until the crisis is over. She walks away with a huge smirk on her face.

Georgia, Billy and Ray are waiting for Ally in another office. They haven't told him what is going on, and Billy suggests that she is probably just touching up her makeup.

Meanwhile, in the unisex, a fireman who has been trying to get Ally out with oil says that they will have to break the bowl. "So, you're going to smash my toilet?" John asks. He's very upset, but Richard tells him they have to leave for their mission. Ally tells the fireman that it's her hip flexors that are stuck. Billy comes in to see how things are going and Ally asks if they told Ray. He says no, just as Elaine hits the flusher on the remote. Ally screams at first, then starts making a noise as if she enjoys it.

Georgia and Ray are still waiting in the office. He asks her what it is she thinks he will like about Ally, besides the fact that she's pretty. She says Ally has a good sense of humor and she remembers that he likes that. He asks if she remembers what it was he didn't like. She thinks it was long hair, and Billy. She says that she met Billy the week after they went out and she didn't think he liked that very much. He agrees that he didn't. He admits that sometimes he wonders what would have happened if they had had two dates before she met Billy. He then asks her if she ever wonders about that, and Georgia says "never."

John enters the wrestling club in a trench coat. He walks down the stairs, takes a drink from a waitress, decides he doesn't like it, and puts it on another waitress's tray. Meanwhile, Richard is already sitting at a table, touching every waitress's wattle that comes up to him, then sniffing his finger. John finally sits down with Richard and is promptly splattered with mud. "You've been made," Richard says. The emcee comes out and auctions a girl for a wrestle. Richard is the highest bidder.

Back in the unisex, Ally is still stuck. The fireman tells everyone to stand back so he can smash the toilet and Ally asks him to be gentle. After three hits, he finally breaks the bowl and frees Ally. She gets up with a blanket wrapped around her bottom and excuses herself after explaining that she's late for a date. She runs out of the bathroom as the fireman calls after her, "Ma'am. That's our blanket."

At the club, Richard doesn't win his match, and John just ends up with more mud on his face.

Ally finally makes it to the bar. She, Ray, Billy and Georgia are sharing a table. Ray asks Ally to dance, but she declines. "I'd love to, but I have a sprained butt," she says. Georgia says she'll dance with him. Billy asks Ally if she thinks she likes Ray. "I might," she says. "I hear he's a great guy. Maybe I'll get a chance to talk to him."

Later that night, Ally is upset about what could be going on between Georgia and Ray. She thinks they are still interested in each other, but Renee says they are probably just still attracted to each other. Ally says they shouldn't be going to dinner together anyway because she's married. Renee reminds her that she was there. "Only as a beard, maybe," Ally says. Renee asks her if she is saying that old girlfriends and old boyfriends should never have lunch or dinner together. Ally says that they shouldn't. Renee asks whether two mature adults who are still attracted to each other but are too responsible to act on it should have lunch together. Ally again says no. "Can they work side by side in the same law firm?" Renee asks. Ally says that's different. Renee tells her that maybe she has suddenly realized that all last year she was having some kind of an affair with Billy.

The next day at the office, John is in the unisex, amazed at what happened to his bowl. Richard tells him they will get a new one. "Fresh bowl," he says. Richard is very sore from his match and keeps working on a shoulder injury. Nelle comes in and asks how it went last night. Richard tells her there was no nudity and no sexual touching.

At the courthouse, Ling has taken the stand. She says that the idea that the club degrades women is ridiculous. She says the women who work there can go home at night and tell themselves that even in mud, they look good. She adds that the women make nearly $100,000 a year. She goes on to say that drunken men just hurl money at the women. "Go into that club," she says, "You come out with a lower opinion of men, trust me." Nelle says that could be true, but that the women do make that money with their bodies. Ling says, "They make it by teasing men with something they'll never get their hands on. That goes to the very essence of a woman. Sex is a weapon. We all use it. We tease, we tantalize, we withhold it, it's something we do in almost every walk of life, be it marriage, business. God gave us that advantage by giving men the dumb stick. It's hot in here and there's no water." Nelle asks what she is referring to with the 'dumb stick.' "Penis," Ling says, "They've all got them." Ray takes his turn at Ling. He asks her if she's ever met any of the women who work in her club and asked them why they do what they do. She says no, that it would be hypocritical of her to do that because it would suggest she cared. He says that maybe some of them feel like they have little choice in the matter. "Well, then, how luck they are to have you to take that choice away," Ling says. "With feminists like you, who needs chauvinism." The judge tells Ling not to give speeches, but she reminds him that he let "that old woman give a speech." Ray asks Ling if she is going to deny that women are exploited in her club. She says that women are exploited by the high heel shoe and by the idea that they have to paint their eyelashes everyday. "If anything, we should be glad to have my club because we exploit men," Ling says. The judge asks how that could be. "They're pigs," she says. "Mankind is based on a kind of pigdom. In my club, the women basically control the dumb stick and take the men's money." She sighs and adds, "I'm getting tired."

Back at the office, John is walking around with part of the toilet, but he puts his hand up to warn people that he doesn't want to discuss it. Billy asks Ally if she is going to go out with Ray again but she says she doesn't know.

Ally walks upstairs to the library and finds Georgia there. She sits down and asks Georgia if she wants to tell her what's going on. "Excuse me?" Georgia asks. Ally tells her that she isn't looking after Ally's social life, that instead, she is taking care of her own. "I am the device that allows you to tell yourself that you're not betraying Billy," Ally says. Georgia asks, "Are you out of your mind?" Georgia tells Ally that she was only trying to help her meet men.

In Nelle's office, Ling is fixing her makeup. Nelle asks if she is having fun with this case and Ling says she prefers being a plaintiff, but "a defendant's nice, too. I get a martyr glow." Nelle tells her that on a recent Saturday she went out without makeup and bumped into someone from her old firm. The man didn't recognize her at first. "When I hear you talk this way, it makes me wonder," Ling says, "Is there a point?" Nelle says that progress aside, women are still things to be looked at and clubs like Ling's don't help. Ling tells her own story. She says she went shopping the other day and a man in the store actually growled at her in a sexual way. She liked it. Nelle says she isn't going to do the summation and Ling gets upset. She wants Nelle to do it. "You don't want me," Nelle says, "because I can't sell it." Ling calls her "sideless."

Georgia comes into Ally's office, closes the door, and tells her that she could be right. She asks Ally to remember when she wanted to go out with the 18-year old, and how she said she never intended for anything to happen but she wanted to go anyway, just to remember. She asks her what was it she wanted to remember. "Staring into the eyes of an 18-year old, maybe," Ally says. Georgia tells her that one of the things about being married is you don't get that 'date high.' Georgia assures her that nothing is happening between her and Ray, and Ally says that if Billy were to go off and look at mud wrestlers, that would be less of an offense than what Georgia is doing.

Nelle calls one final witness to the stand. He's a lawyer who practices on the side, but mostly works as a dancer at the "Squat and Gobble," a male strip club. She asks him why he dances and he says he makes great money and he enjoys it. When she asks him if he finds it degrading and he says no, she asks, "What if I were to say that all I want is to go over every inch of your body with my tongue and make love until I dehydrate? Wouldn't you feel like a victim?" He says "I'd get over it."

In the hallway, Nelle tells the 'dream team' that she wants Richard to give final statements and she leaves to get him. Ray approaches the group and asks if he can talk to Ally. They go off to the side to talk and he says he would like to see her again. Ally tells him she's going to have to pass on that. He's confused. He tells her that Georgia led him to think Ally was interested. Ally tells him that Georgia's been doing a little too much leading.

Richard doesn't really want to give the closing. Nelle says that mud wrestling is a guy's thing and that they need a guy to get up and explain it. "Just speak from that thing inside you," she says, "the thing inside all men which makes a man a man." "The dumb stick?" Richard asks. Nelle says, "Exactly."

Georgia and Ray meet up in the hallway again. He tells her that Ally said no to a date and he wonders why Georgia told him Ally was interested. Georgia says she thinks that she was until she figured out that Georgia was, too. "Not 'interested' interested like I'm interested in pursing something," Georgia says, "but it was fun being in your company again." Ray says that he had fun the night before, but he doesn't think Ally had anything to do with it. He goes on to say that the problem is he and Georgia never kissed and he thinks that if they had, they wouldn't wonder about it. "Besides, you're happily married," he adds. Georgia answers, "Very." He reaches up to probably pick some lint of her jacket, but Ally has turned the corner and sees them. That move sends sirens through her head, and she runs over to break them up by telling them it's time for closing arguments.

Ray gives his closing (which isn't really that important to repeat), then it's Richard's turn. "Frankly, I'm tired of this equality thing," he says. "I'd like to see a woman walk around all day with testosterone and see how she likes that." He goes on about Pandora and breasts until the judge interrupts and asks what all that has to do with mud wrestling clubs. "Once a man hits puberty, he gets this sense that he will forever be part idiot," Richard says. "It's debilitating -- it hurts. You go to these clubs, you see all the women, you look around and see all the men and realize you aren't alone -- the room is full of idiots." He says that makes men feel better. "You grow up hiding in closets with a flashlight and a copy of Playboy trying not to get the pages sticky. It can drive you to be isolated, anti social. You don't fit in, you go to work at the post office, all the while, you're normal and you don't know it." He ends by saying that these types of clubs aren't just sex shops - they stand to preserve men's mental health.

The judge makes his ruling. He says that he thinks the scientific word for these establishments would be 'silly,' but unfortunately we use sex to sell almost everything these days. He mentions several examples, one being "comedies show semen dripping from ears." Ling stands up and asks the judge to just cut to it and say that she's won. The judge says that as much as it pains him, she wins. Ling actually smiles, and announces that she's pleased.

That night, Richard and Ling are at the bar. He suggests going to her club to celebrate but Ling says that "it's disgusting, and I'm not happy that you wrestled."

Most of the rest of the group is at a table. Renee asks where Georgia is and Ally says she went to the clerk's office to get the papers. Billy asks Ally if she wants to dance and she says yes.

Nelle and John are dancing. She tells him she's sorry about his bowl. He says that there will be others. She also tells him that she was very proud of him going undercover and that he would have made a great spy.

At the courthouse, Georgia hits the elevator button and waits. Ray is still there too, and they get into the elevator together. He stands very close to her and says that they never really did have anything in common. They both agree that it would have just been physical. "You're really happy?" he asks. She again answers, "Very." He says that he wishes they would have kissed just once, and leans over to stop the elevator. Georgia says "We can't." Ray says "Just to know what it would have been like." "I think we can get what a kiss would feel like," Georgia says, "they are all pretty much the same." He tells her she's right and pushes the lever to let the elevator move. Georgia reaches over and stops it again. "Going nowhere?" she asks. "Right," he says. He leans close and they almost touch lips, but she moves her head a bit and says she can't. She starts up the elevator again. Ray says okay, but he continues to lean in to kiss her. Again, they get very close to kissing, but the elevator stops on the ground floor and Georgia sighs. She smiles, tells Ray goodnight, steps off the elevator and leaves the building.


I was a little surprised that Ally didn't try to get a date with the fireman who freed her from the toilet. I guess considering what was going on at the time, even that would have been a little "over the top" for David Kelley!

I actually liked Elaine's new invention. I could use that seat warmer sometimes!

Speaking of Elaine, now she uses her own hair to floss? No wonder this girl doesn't have a man.

I think this may have been the first time that I saw something on the set of the show that we actually own. I laughed out loud when I saw the clock that Richard had on his desk. Ours is on top of the TV I was watching at the time.

I am very disappointed in Georgia. I just wrote to someone in another country yesterday who asked about whether or not Billy and Ally have gotten together, and I told them that as far as we knew, Billy and Georgia were still very happy and there were no indications that anything would happen to break them up. I know -- Georgia didn't actually do anything -- but in my opinion, even thinking it shows that she and Billy either have, or will be having some serious problems.

Copyright © 1998 Dana Hagerty. All rights reserved.