Here is normally where we see the show opening, but this time it was replaced with the world-premiere of the video for "Searchin' My Soul." Let me say this very clearly because there has been some confusion: This is not a new open. It was a one time thing.
Cage, Ally and Renee are preparing to head to the courthouse, and Cage tells Renee he will be using his "Please" summation. (This will be explained later.) She doesn't put much faith in Cage and is very afraid of losing her job. Renee says if she does, she will kill Cage, and then she will go to jail. On the way out, Ally asks Elaine how the test went. When Elaine responds "What test?," Ally tells her that she knows everything that goes on in the office and she's sure she knows exactly what she's talking about. Of course, Georgia has walked up behind Ally and hears most of this conversation. Ally says she is late for court and leaves.
Michael Rivers, the man Renee is charged with assaulting, is the first witness. He explains how she invited him out, how she was oozing sex all evening and grabbing his buttocks. During this, we hear a click coming from Cage's direction. He explains to the judge that he has a small throat polyp and he would like to use the clicker to make his objections. A.D.A. Kepler continues on with his questioning of Rivers, who testifies that Renee invited him back to her place, they started kissing, a hand went here and a hand went there, then she slapped him. He says he slapped her back and then she went into "kickbox overdrive." The next thing he knew, two paramedics were standing over him.
Cage gets up to question Rivers, and we hear a squish with each step he takes. He apologizes and says he has arch problems and is wearing orthopedic shoes. He asks Rivers about the mixed signals he says he was getting from Renee. "Mixed, as in, 'no, don't get out'?" he asks.
Renee and Ally are walking towards the elevator, with Cage and his squishy shoes following behind. As they enter the elevator, Renee questions whether they are good lawyers, and Ally tells her that Cage knows what he is doing. Another person enters the elevator, and it's Glenn, the nude model Ally went out with. She is shocked to see him and falls down. (I've really been wondering why Ally falls down so much. In cases where you trip or something like that I could understand it, but she seems to be falling down a lot lately when she is standing still.) Glenn is in the building because he was subpoenaed to testify against Renee.
Back at the office, Georgia explains to Billy that she didn't take the test yet. She says Ally saw the box and she didn't have to go after that. She tells Billy to take the test. As he opens the door to leave, he tells her that sometimes she reminds him of Ally and she throws the box at him, only to see Richard come in and catch it. "Baby. Excellent," Richard says.
Renee, Ally and Cage arrive back at the office, and Renee tells Richard that "one of (Ally's) concubines has been called as a witness." Cage's stomach gurgles, loudly and for an extended period of time. He explains that happens in times of anxiety and Renee says she is surprised he doesn't use it in court. He says he has, and that he can even throw it like a ventriloquist throws his voice. Later, Ally explains to Renee that with John, "it's not about winning the moment, it's about winning the day."
On the stand, Glenn testifies that he thought he was going on a date with Renee, but that he was really being set up. Why was he being set up? He starts to explain that he slept with her roommate, twice. Ally jumps up and says "Alright. Twice. One, two, buckle my shoe. Twice, as in two, alright." She says he promised her he would leave the country so she slept with him and he dumped her because she doesn't snowboard then Renee gave him the penguin. Cage's stomach gurgles. Glenn explains the penguin to the court. Then he says that Renee told him she liked one-night-stands even more than Ms. McBeal. Cage, Renee and Ally all put their fingers on the bridge of their nose and take a moment.
In Billy's office, he and Georgia are sitting on either side of his desk, staring at a pregnancy test stick. They can't decide who will look, so they both look together. It's positive, but neither one knows how to react. They finally shake hands across the table.
In the elevator again, Cage tells Ally and Renee he will not cross examine Glenn, and he takes Ally off the case. He says the jury will have concerns about her credibility. The elevator doors open, and Ally walks off but Renee and Cage stay on as the doors shut in Ally's face.
Ally gets on another elevator which is already occupied by Glenn and an elderly couple. She lays into him for telling the truth on stand. They start arguing back and forth and Glenn tells Ally "Like your interest (in me) had nothing to do with art class." She says "I don't go out with guys for giant schlongs, and even if I did, don't flatter yourself. I've smoked cigarettes with bigger filters..." When the doors open Glenn leaves, and Ally turns to the couple in the back and says hello.
As Billy and Georgia discuss her pregnancy, Elaine listens from another room with her directional microphone. Georgia doesn't want to stop working right now, but she says that when it comes to Billy's baby in her stomach, well, she can't bring herself to say the "A" word. Elaine says "I just can't wait to tell Ally," and hugs Richard.
Back in court, Cage calls Renee to the stand. He starts to ask her a question, pauses, then turns all the way around very slowly, as if he's looking at everyone in the courtroom. He announces that he's decided not to call Ms. Radick. "We don't believe it's necessary since the state failed to put on much of a case," Cage says. The defense rests.
By now, Renee is furious. Cage explains that juries get suspicious of people who don't take the stand, but because Renee was prepared and Cage made the decision not to question her, that looked better. He adds it was the perfect time to tell the jury that the state didn't have a case. If he questioned Renee on the stand then it would be clear that the state did have a case.
Ally goes to Billy's office to talk to him and Georgia. She says she knows it's not any of her business, but since she saw the box she was wondering the outcome. Georgia tells her she's pregnant. Ally imagines a missile going right through her stomach, leaving a huge hole. She says "congratulations" and goes to hug Billy first, then stops herself and turns to Georgia, hugs her, then hugs Billy.
Ally walks into the unisex and kickboxes one of the stall doors, which comes back and hits her in the head, knocking her down. Billy comes in and asks if she is okay. He tells her that he feels like he should apologize. Ally says she happens to be happy with all the happiness she has ahead of her, and goes on to say she finds Billy rude. She says it was fine for him to marry someone else, and it was fine for him to bring her to work there, but it was rude of him to get her pregnant. She adds that she is concerned for his child. "It's tough enough to grow up in this world with any sense of manners. What chance does your child have with two rude parents?" She then goes into the stall and we hear a splash. "I've fallen in the toilet. Poughkeepsie," she says.
The next day, Billy and Georgia are in the unisex discussing why they aren't more excited about the baby. They notice Richard standing next to them, and he promptly states that he only heard from the beginning. He then launches into one of his famous speeches. "Having a child – it's a selfish thing. Couples don't walk around saying they want to give life. They saw we want a child. We want. We want. Don't punish yourselves for not wanting to celebrate your greed. Georgia, you're entitled to melancholy. Your body's about to swell, distort, and treadmills aside, it will never be the same. And the infant's going to see way more of her breasts than you will," and he goes on and on until his bran muffin kicks in and he has to go. Elaine comes in wearing her face bra. Billy says "It's one thing to bring a child into the world, but our world."
Ally is in her office on the phone with Dr. Clark, her therapist. Ally says she is tired of theme songs and she's not going to use the pips. After hanging up, she tells Cage that the doctor told her to pick a theme song to capture whatever pain she is feeling over Georgia getting pregnant with "what's his names' baby." Cage says it works, but Ally suggests that maybe she should just put on a pair of squeaky shoes. She starts yelling at Cage and tells him that Renee is her best friend in life and if she loses her career because of him, she won't just not forgive him, she will hate him. She realizes too late that she has hurt his feelings and tries to apologize as he walks away.
The A.D.A. gives his closing argument and says the bottom line is a trained kickboxer broke somebody's neck and if it were the same fact pattern in reverse, the man would be going to jail.
Now it's time for Cage's "please" summation. Throughout his closing, he will say a statement, and follow it up with "please." The way he says "please" is more like "give me a break." Example: "Did she deserve to be put on trial for defending herself? Please." When he is wrapping up his closing, he gets to a spot where he would normally say "please" and asks the jurors to say the word with him. They do.
Ally returns to the office and is asked if John was good. Her answer: "Please." When Elaine asks Ally if she knows any good OB/GYNs for Georgia, Ally decides it's time to give the theme song a try. She begins by hearing the music, ("Wedding Bell Blues," originally done by Fifth Dimension), then the entire office begins to dance around her. She follows the dancers into the unisex, enters a stall, and starts chorus-line kicking along with them. Of course, Billy comes in and all he sees are Ally's legs kicking out of the stall. She comes out of the stall and continues dancing, until she opens her eyes and sees Billy. He again asks her if everything is okay. She asks if there is any chance the baby isn't Georgia's. She goes on to explain that when he left her, she prayed that she would be married first, and if not, then she wanted to have children first, and if not, then she wanted to die first. Now she's afraid she is going to go one for three. Cage pops his head in to tell Ally that the judge has called them back. No verdict yet, but the jury has questions.
The jury wants to know whether they need to find that the defendant intended to cause the injuries. The judge says they have to decide whether she hit him on purpose, not whether she hurt him on purpose. Cage is troubled. And Renee thinks she's dead.
At home, Renee is telling Ally that her law firm is a big ship of fools. Ally tells Renee it's time for her to admit that the incident wasn't self defense. Renee starts to walk away and Ally stops her with strong words. "You have a problem. I am your best friend and you are going to hear this from me. You walk around and try to intimidate men with your sexual aggressiveness. As somebody who loves you, you have a problem. (Cage) didn't put you on that stand because he knows you don't get it, and you need to get it."
Ally goes into the office in jeans and Cage is there, walking around a pillar, barefoot. He's working on an early draft of a closing for another case. Ally says she was wrong talking to him the way she did earlier, and he says he can pretend to understand. He says it would be presumptuous of him to say he knows how she feels because he has never had a friendship like Ally and Renee's. He says that Renee is a fortunate person and Ally says that if Cage were on trial, she would be there for him.
Ally and Renee are talking the next morning and Ally says they will have a sleepover that night. Renee tells Ally that when she was 11-years old she started to develop. She was the first girl in her class to get breasts. Boys would grab her on the playground. Then one day she snuck into the boys room because she heard there were some things written about her on the walls. She told herself it was all because they liked her – they teased her because they liked her. She admits that she can't bear it if a guy doesn't grab her a little, and if he does, she's on the playground again. Renee says she's been waiting her whole life for this, and she just thanks God that at least she's ashamed of it. Ally puts her hand out and Renee takes it.
When Ally gets to work, Elaine has Cage wearing her latest invention – a cool cup. It's sort of like a pair of underwear, but it's really cold and it helps in the production of sperm cells. Cage asks her to please turn it down some. Georgia and Billy go into his office where she tells him that the blood test was negative. She's not pregnant. They both say it's for the best because the timing isn't right.
The jury comes back and Renee is found not guilty of assault and battery. She thanks Cage and tells him she is sorry she doubted him. He tells her she will again. She thanks Ally, who tells her she didn't do anything except sleep with a witness or two. Renee looks Ally in the eye and sincerely thanks her again.
Later, Ally goes into a stall in the unisex, and hears someone sniffing in the next stall. She stands on the toilet and looks over the top, then falls off and ends up with her feet in the next stall. Georgia comes out as Ally explains it was an isometrics dismount. Billy enters the unisex, and asks Ally to excuse him and Georgia for a second. Georgia admits that she didn't want to be pregnant, but just thinking she was for one day, she now feels the loss. She also feels ashamed for worrying about losing her income. Billy says they can start trying when she and/or they want. He adds "As scary as this thing was -- looking at you as the mother of my child – that was everything." Georgia says they would probably tell everything that she's not pregnant but Billy says he's sure it's taken care of – he's told Elaine.
As Vonda sings "I'll Be There," Billy and Georgia hold each other close in
the unisex, Ally and Renee have a sleepover, and Cage stands in the office,
staring out the window.
©1998 Dana Hagerty. All rights reserved.