Skip summary and go straight to Dana's "Bits and Pieces"
Ally's birthday is just days away, and Elaine has decided to surprise her. She ushers everyone into Ally's office, tells them to act natural, and then sits (not very conspicuously) on the edge of a desk outside the office. Ally arrives, everyone yells "surprise" when she enters her office, and when they try to sing she stops them. (We learn later that Ally is upset about turning 28 because it is only two years from 30.) Before you know it, a cop is there telling Ally he has a summons for her, and then he begins to strip (to the tune of "It's Not Unusual" – it's an unusual choice, but for some reason, it works). One by one, people leave the office, until only Elaine is left, scooping icing off the cake with her index finger and sucking it off.
The next day, Ally arrives for the morning meeting in the conference room with a huge curler still in her hair. Both Georgia and Billy attempt to let her know it's there without embarrassing her, and she finally responds to Billy's prompting. She explains it away as a "fashion thing."
The firm's latest client is Mark Henderson. He's been charged with battery and breaking and entering after coming into the apartment of a woman and tickling her feet while she slept.
Renee is the District Attorney on this case, and when the trial begins, she questions Cheryl (the plaintiff) about the night in question. It was the middle of the night when she was awakened by a draft on her foot, then a tickle. She saw a figure in the darkness and screamed. He ran out -- she called 911.
But when Ally begins to question Cheryl, we discover that Henderson is no stranger. In fact, they had been on three dates. Cheryl had even left her door unlocked that evening, so there really was no "breaking and entering." She also apparently told Henderson at one point that she liked foot massages.
Cheryl is played by Harriet Sansom Harris, who is normally so good at being Frasier's neurotic agent, but was even better in this episode as a shy, lonely woman. She wore a minimal amount of makeup, almost never smiled, and always appeared as if she had just finished a really long cry in the next room.
Well, I guess Elaine took the "fashion thing" seriously, because it isn't long before we see her with a tiny roller in her hair. Greg is at the office signing some papers regarding his case (I'm assuming this was the car accident case), when Elaine asks him if he will sing at Ally's surprise party. She tells him that Ally gets depressed around her birthday, and adds "your not wanting to sleep with her has made it worse." As the elevator doors close on Greg, I'm sure he was wondering "why does Ally tell everyone everything?" I also wondered that for a split second, then remembered that Elaine knows all.
Back in court, Henderson explains that Cheryl not only told him she likes foot massages, but that she also enjoys surprises. He took that as a hint, and decided that if it was a hint, she would have left her door open.
When Greg brings Ally home from a date later that night, she begins to wonder if he is gay since she keeps asking him to come in and he doesn't. But when he kisses her goodnight, she admits to herself that he definitely isn't gay. She tries again to get him to come upstairs and he takes a raincheck. In one swift move, she walks into the apartment, tells Renee that the date went fine, picks up David the blow-up doll, and takes him with her to her bedroom.
After a run-in with Greg in her office, we find Ally in the unisex, filling her hands with water, then getting them close to her face before letting the water go into the sink and repeating the process. When Georgia asks Ally what she is doing, she says she is splashing cold water on her face, but she can't really do it because then she would have to reapply all her makeup. She blames this on a male-dominated world. She starts unloading on Georgia, listing all of her problems, then turns to walk away and says thanks. But before she leaves, Georgia asks her "What makes your problems bigger than everybody else's?" Ally's response: "They're mine."
Henderson arrives in Ally's office later to try and get her to understand that he truly loves Cheryl. She clears it with Renee, and decides to get Henderson and Cheryl together to talk about it. She invites them both to the downstairs bar.
Ally is in the bar with her co-workers when a spotlight shines on her and Vonda says "Ally McBeal. This one's for you." Vonda begins to sing "I'm a Woman" and after a few bars, Elaine joins her, followed by Renee. (More comments on this included in 'bits and pieces' at the end of the summary.)
When Cheryl arrives at the bar and realizes why she is there, she is angry. Ally concedes that it was wrong for Henderson to go into Cheryl's apartment like that, but that doesn't make him a criminal. Cheryl says he lied to her by pretending to be normal, and when it appears she is about to cry, Ally takes her upstairs to her office to talk. Cheryl says every guy she meets is a loser, and she was so excited when she met Mark because they are both tipsters (people who call radio stations with tips on traffic tie-ups). She thought she might have just found her man, but now she realizes he is sick. Mark walks into the room and tells Cheryl that he realizes he is no bargain. He says he did it because he reads Cosmopolitan, and saw all the stories about women's erogenous zones, but Cheryl doesn't buy that explanation.
Ally goes back down to the bar, only to be surprised yet again by Greg singing "Love Me." But just when Ally starts to smile a bit and enjoy it, Renee gets up and starts singing a duet with Greg. (More comments on this below in 'bits and pieces.') In the middle of the song, Ally leaves the bar and walks home.
Once Renee gets home, Ally gives her a piece of her mind. "You did everything but hump his leg," she says. Renee says she isn't interested in Greg, and adds that even if she was, she would never betray Ally. Greg arrives at the apartment and Ally motions for him to come in. Once it appears as if they may actually make up, Greg announces that he has taken a new job in Chicago. He also thinks he has fallen in love with Ally. She says she knows he has. "This is a sure sign. Men who fall in love with me leave town to promote their careers," she says. He still wants to take Ally out for her birthday the next night, but she says no.
The next morning, Ally is standing in front of the bathroom mirror, hearing her theme song in her mind, and moving to the rhythm. She dances through the living room into her bedroom and sees David the blow-up doll in her bed. She picks him up and starts hitting his head on the bed, then throws him on the floor, and finally jumps up and sits down on his head, popping him. Renee comes to her doorway, and Ally says she isn't freaking out because she is still mad at Renee. She goes off on a tangent about how Greg is an emergency room doctor and lots of people get shot in Chicago and how she can't compete with that. When she walks away, Renee looks sadly at David's flat head.
Elaine comes to the office wearing these ridiculous looking things on her face. She calls them ice goggles, but they were basically a pair of really old glass frames, with tiny ice packs attached to the bottom. Of course, she invented them and she is working on getting a patent.
In court, Ally's main point in her closing argument is that Henderson got assertive instead of letting things take their course as he should have. She adds that sometimes the things you regret the most are the things you don't do. Henderson is found not guilty on both counts and when Ally tells him that she really thinks he could use some counseling, Cage attempts to hand him Dr. Clark's card, but Ally grabs it from him before he can. Henderson talks Cheryl into going for coffee.
As Ally and Cage walk through the hall of the courthouse, Greg calls Ally's name. He is there to tell her goodbye, and says that this job had been in the works long before he met her. She tells him he will love Chicago because the people are great and they have the best ribs and the best cupboards. Greg tells her she probably means "Cubs." (Boy, she really is clueless when it comes to sports.) Greg leans down and kisses her on the cheek. She turns away on the verge of tears, gets into an elevator, and stands in the very back.
Ally goes back to her office and Elaine is there straightening up. She's still got those stupid goggles on, and when she notices Ally staring at her, she takes them off. Ally asks Elaine if she got her anything tangible, like a card, for her birthday. "Are we forgetting about last night?" Elaine asks. "Did the Lord Jesus Christ ask the little drummer boy if he got him anything?" But Ally says that the night before was the same as every night. "It's about you wanting to be noticed," she says. "How long are you planning on keeping this all up?" Elaine says "Till I'm noticed." She tells Ally about how when she was in the fourth grade, her best friend got a brand new bike. Everyone admired it, and they admired her. Elaine's family couldn't afford to buy her a bike, so she tried selling herself to the boys at recess for a nickel. She saved up enough for a bell. She never got that bike, but she said she made a lot of noise with that bell. "I'm as entitled to my happiness as you are to your misery," Elaine says. Ally is obviously touched that Elaine would open up to her, and she invites her to come to dinner with her and Renee. Elaine says maybe next time.
On their way home, Renee buys balloons from a street vendor for Ally. As they cross the street, Ally lets them float away.